If you don’t know, the conflict of needs with respect to parenting is huge! And the reason is simple.
Nobody has the same priorities.
Dad wants the garage cleaned and the free time to watch a movie. Mom would like the living room picked-up, the house vacuumed, and to go to the park. They will discuss this later.
Big sister wants to watch TV. And little sister wants to be outside in the sandbox, nude.
You go and try to mediate all that without resistance.
Parents want a peaceful dinner while the kids what to see if they can do cartwheels in their seats. Neverminded school. Parents care about it. But kids know everything by the age of 12.
And vacations. And plenty of sleep.
I am reminded of my parents drilling me to say please and thank you so many years ago.
One of the built-in frustrations of parenthood is the daily struggle to get our children to behave in ways that are acceptable to us and to society. This can be maddening, uphill work. Part of the problem lies in the conflict of needs. The adult need is for some semblance of cleanliness, order, courtesy, and routine. The children couldn’t care less. How many of them would, of their own volition, take a bath, say “please” or “thank you,” or ever change their underwear? How many of them would even wear underwear?
-Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (Amazon)