I am all on board with this theory, especially in the context of close relationships.
I mean, this is better than the alternative. Right? Right.
Good? Good.
But can we admit that this is rarely how it goes? Most family’s struggle with this at one level or the other.
Frankly, it’s hard to not struggle with this if you have children under the age of 22.
Let’s just love em through it.
There is an important message built into this approach. It says, “When there is conflict between us, we no longer have to mobilize our forces against each other and worry about who will emerge victorious and who will go down in defeat. Instead, we can put our energy into searching for the kinds of solutions that respect both our needs as individuals.” We are teaching our children that they needn’t be our victims or our enemies. We are giving them the tools that will enable them to be active participants in solving the problems that confront them—now, while they’re at home, and in the difficult, complex world that awaits them.
-Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (Amazon)