I think that parental problem solving can be an alternative to traditional punishment too.
You sit down and you are honest: “I need A, B, and C from you. What do you need from me? And what ideas can we come up with to both get what we want?”
I still think there is a special power here in the act of writing some of these things down.
You may have to send your kid to military school one day, I guess…
But it’s worth at least trying to work together first. Right?
To Problem-Solve Step I. Talk about the child’s feelings and needs. Step II. Talk about your feelings and needs. Step III. Brainstorm together to find a mutually agreeable solution. Step IV. Write down all ideas—without evaluating. Step V. Decide which suggestions you like, which you don’t like, and which you plan to follow through on.
-Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (Amazon)