Wanting to earn the identity we seek makes sense.

And honestly, I have seen this work first-hand.

See, you don’t yell at a three-year-old: “Come help us pick up toys!”

You are much more likely to get a compliant response if you say: “We are picking up toys. Can you be a helper too?”

The truth of it is that you become who people say you are – which is why we should all be calling our children brave and kind – every single day.

Bob Goff agrees with me on this.

Many parents and teachers praise helpful actions, but children are more generous when they’re commended for being helpful people—it becomes part of their identity. If you see a child do something good, try saying, “You’re a good person because you ___.” Children are also more ethical when they’re asked to be moral people—they want to earn the identity. If you want a child to share a toy, instead of asking, “Will you share?” ask, “Will you be a sharer?”

-Adam Grant, Originals