Sterling Terrell

smart ideas from books (mostly)

  • Home
  • About
    • My CV
    • Books
    • Series
  • Newsletter
  • Advertising
  • Tools
You are here: Home / Potpourri / The Case For Less Praise

The Case For Less Praise

The Case For Less Praise

I guess the case for less praise in our parenting is simple:

It has many unintended consequences.

This is especially true if the one being praised is old enough, or aware enough, to know that the compliment is disingenuous.

For example, public speaking was at one-time not my forte. Suffice to say – I was bad at it.

I knew I was bad. Everyone knew I was bad.

If you had come up to me after I fumbled my way through some talk and said “Awesome job, man!” I would have thought you were trying to make me feel better, or were making fun of me.

Let’s praise each other, but never in a way that might look hollow or disingenuous.

I don’t know, something to thing about.

Praise can make you doubt the praiser. (“ If she thinks I’m a good cook, she’s either lying or knows nothing about good food.”) Praise can lead to immediate denial. (“ Always beautifully dressed! . . . You should have seen me an hour ago.”) Praise can be threatening. (“ But how will I look at the next meeting?”) Praise can force you to focus on your weaknesses (“ Brilliant mind? Are you kidding? I still can’t add a column of figures.”) Praise can create anxiety and interfere with activity. (“ I’ll never be able to hit the ball like that again. Now I’m really uptight.”) Praise can also be experienced as manipulation. (“ What does this person want from me?”) I remember my own frustrations whenever I tried to praise my children. They’d come to me with a painting and ask, “Is it good?”

-Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (Amazon)

Share this:

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pocket (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)

Related

Filed Under: PotpourriTagged With: #Affirmation, #Parenting

Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Privacy Policy

Connect

  • Facebook
  • LinkedIn
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

Free Weekly Newsletter:

Search

Top Posts

  • The Tricky Lily Pad Riddle (You Probably Can't Solve)
    The Tricky Lily Pad Riddle (You Probably Can't Solve)
  • Hyatt Hill Country Sunday House
    Hyatt Hill Country Sunday House
  • The Tragedy Of Gina "Bronco" Bouza (1932-1957)
    The Tragedy Of Gina "Bronco" Bouza (1932-1957)
  • God Gives Job Double Everything, Except This?
    God Gives Job Double Everything, Except This?
  • Peaches, The Presidents Of The United States of America
    Peaches, The Presidents Of The United States of America
  • Random Thoughts – 345
    Random Thoughts – 345
  • Things Aging Out
    Things Aging Out
  • By Paying Your Own Way
    By Paying Your Own Way
  • If I Had Understood
    If I Had Understood
  • Parental Shame Or Parental Praise
    Parental Shame Or Parental Praise

Supporting = Loving

Recent Posts

  • If I Had Understood
  • Instabooks 364
  • Either Lost Or Sad Or On
  • Parental Shame Or Parental Praise
  • Random Thoughts – 345
  • Things Aging Out
  • Ship More Projects
  • Few Days And Full Of Trouble
  • Father’s Days Days Are Swim Days Swim
  • Random Thoughts – 344
  • Creative Forces Converged
  • When Laughing Is More Contagious
  • LubbockJobs.io
  • Instabooks 363
  • Random Thoughts – 343
  • From This Sun And A Cold Drink
  • The Psychology When Midlife Crisis Hits
  • Smoke Eaters
  • For The Elite See It And
  • Random Thoughts – 342
  • Austin Kleon, A Note To Graduates
  • Example Of Writing Material
  • The Rule Of I Before E
  • He Silently Sits And Sleeps
  • Random Thoughts – 341

Copyright © 2022 · Generate Pro On Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in