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You are here: Home / Potpourri / How To Help Children With Their Feelings

How To Help Children With Their Feelings

How To Help Children With Their Feelings

If you want to help children with their feelings, it starts with empathy.

I think everyone can wrap their heads around that, right?

Through empathy, you might give your total attention and acknowledge a feeling. That makes complete sense.

But these next two steps are new to me.

First, you help your child identify the feeling.

Something like:

“What happened? Oh, no. I see. I think that’s how I feel when I am sad. Are you sad too?”

Second, you give them their wish in fantasy. Honestly, this one feels odd the first time you do it. But it happens to work. I am not sure exactly why, but it probably has something to do with understanding and articulating your child’s desires.

So for this, you would say something like:

“I am sad too that we can’t go get ice cream today. What if we could go today or one day soon though? What would we do? I would get cookies-and-cream and make sure we sat in our favorite corner booth. Oh, and maybe we could get a balloon like we did last time! What about you?

These five steps have a calming effect that you would not believe.

Honestly, it feels a little bit like magic…

TO HELP WITH FEELINGS 1. Listen with full attention. 2. Acknowledge their feelings with a word—“ Oh” . . . “Mmm” . . . “I see.” 3. Give their feelings a name. 4. Give them their wishes in fantasy.

-Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (Amazon)

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Filed Under: PotpourriTagged With: #Emotions, #Parenting

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