You calm your coworker by pointing out their feeling.
The next time your coworker wants to blow up over something, maybe recognize their feeling – instead of explaining why they shouldn’t be mad in the first place.
“You’re mad, aren’t you? Yeah, I thought so. Because Ted talked over you at the meeting? I get it. It’s hard to know how to handle things like that after the fact.”
This might not put the issue to rest or “solve” anything.
But an understanding ear can deescalate a tense situation.
Good-grief we all just want to be heard and understood, don’t we?
This works for kids too, of course.
What people of all ages can use in a moment of distress is not agreement or disagreement; they need someone to recognize what it is they’re experiencing.
-Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (Amazon)