Let’s free our children from playing roles that we have put them in.
Or, sometimes, roles they have put themselves in.
Here are 6 ways we can do it
#1 – Show them a different version of themselves
A child struggling with self-confidence can be built up by highlighting their accomplishments when appropriate.
#2 – Put them in different situations
A boy dealing with selfishness can be asked to make sure everyone gets a turn during a family game-night.
#3 – Let them hear you praise them
A girl struggling with homework should overhear her parents talking about how well she did on an assignment earlier in the week.
#4 – Show the correct behavior
I think we should be overly polite with a child that is struggling with their manners.
#5 – Share all the special memories
Start more sentences with “I remember when…” and then praise your kids past actions and adorableness.
#6 – Tell them what you think of the previous role
Whenever a child does revert to a former role – straight up – tell them you are disappointed in them. It sounds weird. But it happens to work. Simple as that.
Understand: People will be what you tell them they are.
To Free Children from Playing Roles 1. Look for opportunities to show the child a new picture of himself or herself. 2. Put children in situations where they can see themselves differently. 3. Let children overhear you say something positive about them. 4. Model the behavior you’d like to see. 5. Be a storehouse for your child’s special moments. 6. When your child behaves according to the old label, state your feelings and/ or your expectations.
-Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (Amazon)