So I guess we need to describe our parental praise…
It’s a small thing, really.
But for reasons described headdre, the small innuendo matters.
See, you can’t heap praise and flowery words out of context: “This is beautiful and wonderful, and you are perfect.”
You have to give a reason: “I love the way that your poem described the way that the sun rises and what that feels like on a winter morning.”
I think all of this is a form of persuasion, for framing is more important than you would think.
I learned from him that helpful praise actually comes in two parts: 1. The adult describes with appreciation what he or she sees or feels. 2. The child, after hearing the description, is then able to praise himself.
-Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (Amazon)