1.Nothing sadder than never having Thanksgiving at home again.

2. Dear Waffle House.

3. Me: “You already told me that.” My wife: “Oh, yeah, like everything you say is so new and fresh.”

4. Writers do not use staples.

5. Uh, is anyone listening? Anyone at all?

1.It offends me quite personally when someone uses a bank CD as an investment.

2. Read as broadly as possible.

3.I fear that people who are the problem rarely realize that they are the problem.

4. I can appreciate silence. You too?

5. Never leave me a voicemail. 100% chance I will never listen to it.