Uh, yeah, you don’t give it a name when there is a negative association attached to an unwanted characteristic.
Especially with your kids!
“You think you are stupid? You are not stupid. Kids your age are too young to think of themselves as stupid. I mean, I don’t think you are stupid.”
Do you see it?
In a sensitive discussion, you have repeated a negative word in the context of your child four times.
It does not matter what your were saying. This is about association.
And not only that, you have reinforced it with repetition.
Empathy is needed, not the reinforcement of a bad idea.
Maybe don’t do this with yourself either, ok?
When a child tells you he’s dumb or ugly or fat, it’s not helpful to reply with “Oh, so you think you’re dumb,” or “You really feel you’re ugly.” Let’s not cooperate with him when he calls himself names. We can accept his pain without repeating the name.
-Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (Amazon)
