1. A panhandler asked me for money yesterday. I said “sorry I can’t help you.” He nodded and said, “thanks, welcome to the kingdom.” And now he lives rent-free in my head.

2. What’s the point of education?

3. Never underestimate how stupid and scared people can be.

4. Lisen to it three times and I dare you not to sing along. 😉

5. Ok. So are all the world politicians trying to kill the global economy?

1. If I’m in a hurry, I’m behind a car with a handicap sticker.

2. “I’ll be riding shotgun underneath the hot sun, Feeling like a someone“

3. No parent should have to fight this hard to put a kid to sleep.

4. You assume too much.

5. If you see me driving my wife’s car – she needed gas or an oil change.