Sterling Terrell

recovering economist

State Our Expectations To Our Children?

State Our Expectations To Our Children?

As parents, we often see behavior we disapprove of, and (naturally) we move to correct it.

But what do we do? We get mad. We say things we shouldn’t. And we lecture. Ugh. You too?

This is a great reminder to make sure we clearly state our expectation first.

“The door is open.” vs: “How many times do I have to tell you to close the door!”

“Your shoes are on the floor.” vs. “If I have to tell you to pick up these stupid shoes one more time…“

See it?

It’s about giving information – instead of being a crazy person.

I mean, Less Crazy is a parenting philosophy I could get behind.

Caution. Some children are very sensitive to their parents’ disapproval. For them, strong statements like “I am angry” or “That makes me furious” are more than they can bear. In retaliation they’ll belligerently answer, “Well, then, I’m angry at you, too!” For those children it’s best just to state your expectations. For example, instead of “I’m angry at you for pulling the cat’s tail,” it would be more helpful to say, “I expect you to be kind to animals.”

-Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (Amazon)

On Lecturing Our Kids With Information They Already Know

On Lecturing Our Kids With Information They Already Know

So, I guess we can’t lecture our kids with information they already know.

Giving information is great and all – but it turns out that our kids are small humans (you didn’t know?!).

Guess what happens when you talk down to humans of any size?

That’s right. They think – that you think – they are stupid.

You come across as condescending.

It all reminds me of a discussion on the economy I once had. A man, who knew well my background, wanted to explain to me in a derogatory tone “how the economy actually works.”

And I still remember it after all these years…

Let’s not be condescending to our kids.

Caution. Refrain from giving the child information she already knows. For example, if you were to tell a ten-year-old, “Milk turns sour when it’s unrefrigerated,” she might conclude either that you think she’s stupid or that you’re being sarcastic.

-Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (Amazon)

Sterling Terrell