As parents, we often see behavior we disapprove of, and (naturally) we move to correct it.

But what do we do? We get mad. We say things we shouldn’t. And we lecture. Ugh. You too?

This is a great reminder to make sure we clearly state our expectation first.

“The door is open.” vs: “How many times do I have to tell you to close the door!”

“Your shoes are on the floor.” vs. “If I have to tell you to pick up these stupid shoes one more time…“

See it?

It’s about giving information – instead of being a crazy person.

I mean, Less Crazy is a parenting philosophy I could get behind.

Caution. Some children are very sensitive to their parents’ disapproval. For them, strong statements like “I am angry” or “That makes me furious” are more than they can bear. In retaliation they’ll belligerently answer, “Well, then, I’m angry at you, too!” For those children it’s best just to state your expectations. For example, instead of “I’m angry at you for pulling the cat’s tail,” it would be more helpful to say, “I expect you to be kind to animals.”

-Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (Amazon)